– From Dating Divas Readers! Part 1 Part 2
I am so excited for you and your future husband to experience the joy of being one flesh and a couple walking together in the same direction. My husband and I have been married 36 years and we love each other more now than we did when we got married. One of the things that we did to keep things fun is, we purchased a little pink piggy bank for our room. My husband then went to the bank with $1 bills and exchanged them for gold $1 coins to be used for our piggy bank. Every time we decide to spend intimate time together, we feed the pig a gold coin. At the end of the year, we cash out the coins and use it for a special anniversary celebration. We have mentored several young couples and always present them with either a pig or a cute little box with their names on it for their bedroom. We tell them that they can use the money monthly, yearly or save it all for the 10th, or 25th Anniversary or however they want to. We tell them to choose a code phrase that only they will understand when one of them would like to spend a gold coin. Ours are: “We need to feed the pig” or “I have a gold coin, do you want to help me spend it?” We have had many wonderful memories involving that pink little pig. I hope that you too will make many memories with your husband and feed the pig often if you choose to do this. Many Blessings, Nell Waldrop Movies, books, and other media tend teach us that once you find true love, it’s a guarantee that you’ll live happily ever after. As soon as your prince swoops you off of your feet, you will never be unhappy again. Now, on the surface, I think we all know this isn’t true. What I don’t think we expect is that marriage is no guarantee that you will never have your heart broken. Here’s the fact of the matter: At some point, your husband will do something that breaks your heart. Maybe it will be an offhand comment he didn’t realize would hurt, maybe it will be the way he reacts to something you do, or maybe it will be something truly devastating. And you know what? At some point, you will break his heart, too. Marriage is not a guarantee that you will live happily ever after. My advice is, at the times when your heart has been broken, FORGIVE. Forgive, forgive, and then forgive some more. Let it go. Don’t stew over it or hold it over his head. Every great marriage is made up of two very good forgivers. Although marriage doesn’t mean your heart will never be broken, it CAN mean that you never have to experience it alone. Lean on one another and be honest. Don’t give up. Keep forgiving. –Caitie Do not have serious conversations after 10:00pm. You’re tired, your defenses are down, you will argue (or be way too submissive) when you normally wouldn’t. When kids come into the picture, you’ll be so tired that you won’t remember what was discussed. Save your breath, sleep on in and discuss in the morning! –Alison Rigney May God bless your marriage! Congrats! –Tesia Yep. Seriously, it’s the best and most practical advice you will ever need in a moment of frustration and weakness, from my husband’s Grandfather, who besides being the best man at our wedding, was happily married for over 50 years. –Christina Champe Communicate! Your spouse can’t read your mind! Tell them what you want, don’t want, why your mad/happy, what’s on your mind. Never hide anything (except surprises). Keep a jar of pennies to trade for thoughts at any time. Be sure to say it straight forward; it is hard to play the guessing game and if they don’t catch the “hint” you may regret it. May you always have the guts to talk it out! –MaryAnna Stover Never wait for the other person to apologize first because if you’re both waiting no one will ever apologize. Remember every single day why you fell in love with each other. Try to always do little things for each other but always do them with love so when, for example, you make a cup of coffee think about your love as you make it – trust me the other person will taste it. Always communicate about anything and everything! If you’re unhappy about something in your relationship or with your day at work – tell each other, you’re best friends and best friends talk! Live each day like its your first day together and your last day together so you never lose the love and excitement of being together. Give each other freedom to have friends and spend time with friends and never stop trusting each other unnecessarily. Have a wonderful happy marriage! –Yvonne Learn to communicate. A husband and wife must communicate daily. Talk to each other, look at each other; and, listen to each other. Communicate with tenderness, with hugs and kisses. Keep no secrets from one another. Pray and study the Writings together. Give in to each other. Give in more than 50% of the time. It takes humility and detachment to do it, but learn to give in. Don’t simmer with anger, hostility, or resentment. Don’t hang on to grudges. Sacrifice for each other. Say to your partner: “I’m sorry”, or “I made a mistake”, or “I was wrong”, or “Please accept my apology.” Resolve never to nag. Nagging causes disharmony, tensions, and grief. Avoid it from the start. Try not to give orders to your mate. Instead of saying, “Go close the window” you could say, “Do you think it’s a good idea to shut the window before we leave?” Always encourage your partner. Give your mate daily encouragement and assistance. Don’t let little things bother you. Look at the good, and forget the other qualities. Strive for forgiveness and magnanimity. Never tear your partner down. Try to develop his or her good qualities. Reciprocity in marriage. A good marriage requires reciprocity and interaction. And to interact meaningfully one needs time, patience, and a willingness to listen. If you are in a hurry, it is impossible to interact. You cannot always be frantic and rushed and hope to develop your marriage in a spiritual direction. Therefore, arrange some periods of peace and quiet each day. A husband and wife must plan to enjoy periods of rest, relaxation, and fun together. If possible, plan some kind of recreation each week: walk together, sing, swim, talk, laugh together. Be together- just the two of you.Unity in marriage. The spirit of unity must be applied to every aspect of marriage – emotional, physical, and spiritual. We seem to talk endlessly about unity of nations, of religions, of races and classes of peoples, but almost never about unity in marriage and in the family. I wish you both all the best in all your future endeavors and always remember that without God … nothing flourishes. –Vered And the second advice would be… give your spouse some time out… there are times he Will be rude and want to stay away..let him be… the time he is away he will realize that your the person he needs the most in his life and his love for you will grow deeper All the best. –Chen “What Happily Married Couples Do” #1 Have positive conversations. #2 Show affection. #3 Remember that you are each other’s therapists. #4 Be humble and cultivate Christlike attributes. #5 Date Frequently. #6 Enrich your intimacy. #7 Seek feedback and help each other. #8 Eliminate Anger. #9 Be sensitive to each other’s stress levels. –Renette Wishing you and your future husband a bright and wonderful future. –Frieda Learn to live every day, as it was the last one you have, because you don’t know if actually might be the last one. It is not as easy as it sounds, but reality sometimes surprises us; so you will need to have your feet on earth and treasure every single moment, don’t waste it in silly fights. It is easy to loose focus in this crazy world that we are living on. If you learn to live every day with that intensity, I bet that your marriage will not be boring at all; actually it will be pretty amazing. Always RESPECT your husband. No matter how mad you are, there is no need to be disrespectful and loose your classiness. Believe me, it is not worth it and nothing good you will gain. And when you feel that you are losing your path in your marriage (those times also will come), simply, take a moment and ask GOD for his direction and his wisdom. I do not know you and I am being married only 6 years, but I can proudly say that has been an amazing 6 years. And I wish that God gives you the wisdom, the patience (you will need it), the faith (in yourself, in your husband and in your marriage), and the courage that you will need in this new journey. Best Wishes –Isomar Be a good companion and listener to each other and support your love with no conditions. –Kay This fall we will celebrate 10 years of marriage and I can honestly say I have no clue where the past 10 years have gone. It has been an adventure still; filled with ups and downs. Life happens, and doesn’t always turn out how you planned or hoped. God alone is my advice for a successful marriage, and with Him you can be confident that anything you face can and will turn out better than anything you two could hope or plan. My prayer for you is to have a more beautiful marriage, then wedding. Congrats and enjoy the day you begin your adventure, together forever! –April McCrimmon Also, for LDS couples, use the Family: A Proclamation to the World in your home constantly. We were told it’s okay to have a nice fancy one hanging in your home somewhere, but it should not be the only one you have. Have one by your scriptures, because it’s a roadmap for your family and marriage. It tells you the best ways to govern yourselves and your family, and will create lasting happiness. Congratulations, welcome to the best years of your life! –Rachel Do remember to show the same good manners to your spouse that you would treat an acquaintance/stranger with. Do keep in mind that once spoken, words can never be taken back. They can be forgiven, but they will always be out there. –Dina Sierra If you aren’t in the mood right at first, Fake it. As things get more hot and heavy you’ll find yourself in the mood. And you’ll be grateful afterwards. Best of luck!!! P.S he doesn’t always have to initiate 😉 –Jessica & Steven Gossard
- Know when to call it. Have you reached the point where discussion is no longer beneficial? Are you too tired or emotional to clearly communicate with and understand each other? Perhaps it is time to call it. If it is important to continue the conversation, set a time to come back together and talk. If it is better to walk away, do so completely, leaving all bitterness and resentment on the table.
- Say “no” to a passive-aggressive battle. Nobody wins in an argument your partner is not even aware you are having. Withholding affection, turning a cold shoulder, casting the silent treatment, and engaging in unloving conversations about your husband when he isn’t around all drive you away from your spouse. In the end, you will only become more frustrated and nothing will be resolved. 3.Carefully consider if this is a time for silence.If we choose to delve into a serious conversation every time our husbands say or do something off-putting, we will run our relationships into the ground. Perhaps this is a time for silence. Maybe it is better to reserve your thoughts for a day or two. If you still feel the same way, you will have had time to clarify what you want to communicate, or you may find in the wait that it doesn’t warrant a conversation at all. All the best. –Debbie For the lips of a strange woman drop as an honeycomb, and her mouth is smoother than oil: But her end is bitter as wormwood, sharp as a two-edged. I MEAN SERIOUSLY THOSE LIPS BETTER DROP AS AN HONEYCOMB BECAUSE IF U DONT, CHECK PUT WHO WILL..SO U BETTER DO THAT, TELL HIM LIKE THATS WHAT YOU WERE BORN FOR.. AND TO THE FIANCE, JUST LOVE YO WIFE AS CHRIST LOVED HIS CHURCH/AS YO OWN BODY.BCOZ IF U FAIL TO LOVE THE WOMAN ITL BE DIFFICULT FOR THE WIFE TO RESPECT U.. SO LOVE EACH OTHER SACRIFICIALLY, MARRIAGE IS ABT GIVING, BE A GIVER (FOR BOTH OF YOU) –Nyarai Congratulations, I wish you and your future husband all the best. My advise for you: 1 Corinthians 13:4-5 Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. –Lelane
